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Why we go back to toxic people and what to do


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Toxic relationships are an important block for our evolution. Getting rid of them may demand a big struggle on our behalf. Yet, sometimes we seem to go back again and reunite with them. Why is this happening? Today we will analyze the five basic reasons that are hidden behind this pattern and attempt to overcome our difficulties regarding this matter.

We forget how they treated in the past

As time passes by we tend to forget how bad they made us feel and believe that connecting with them once more will not be hard. It is funny how memory acts. Experiences that are unpleasant are pushed back in the unconscious mind. This is how the brain acts to protect us from sad emotions or anger. People that are included in these memories also appear in different ways when we go back to think how they have acted in the past. This way we get a completely different perspective of what has happened in the past and who these people really are. If you have noticed this thing happening to you a couple of times, it is a good idea to keep a diary of some important experiences in you life, so that you don’t lose track of what has happened and who should be a part of your life in the future.

We get used to their behavior

As pathetic as it may sound bad behaviors may become a habit for both the ones who have them and the ones who accept them. Sometimes we are just too tired to change friends or ask the toxic people that surround us to change their behavior towards us. Things that are repeated are familiar and we become comfortable with them. It is amazing how the fear of the unknown may sabotage us from moving on while being familiar with toxic emotions may freeze us and let us stay in disappointing relationships. To overcome frustration, remember that leaving your comfort zone will only be for a small period of time. Once you move on, new circumstances will become familiar and delightful.

We are people-pleasers

Some of us hate to say ”no.” Even when we know we should stand for what we believe and feel, we get carried away and take the convenient role of pleasing others. This happens because deep down we don’t think we deserve something better. It is a common misunderstanding of people of younger ages or those who have faced rejection in the past. Still, patterns can change, and knowing that will help you understand that the road to healthy relationships is not as hard as it seems. In other words, peace comes from within and as long as we don’t learn how to love ourselves we should not expect others to do it for us.

We think they might have changed

Thinking these people changed is only an assumption and it is obviously a comfortable one, otherwise, we wouldn’t fall into the trap. Just because we forgot how they acted, doesn’t mean they have changed. There is a difference between forgetting, forgiving, and changing. Forgetting doesn’t lead anywhere and it doesn’t provide any valuable lessons. Forgiving, on the other hand, means that the other person has regretted and we are wise enough to accept the fact that they have changed. If someone doesn’t regret it, there is no point in forgiving this person. It is a two-way direction and it involves both parts in order to be successful.

We feel lonely

Loneliness makes us adjust our choices in a way that we will find it easy to live happily. Being alone and being lonely are two different things that should not be confused. There are people who do not have many friends but feel very nice with the company of their selves. These people are good friends of their own personality and can live calmly while being alone. However, sometimes we all need to be surrounded by people. In this case, we many times have to compromise with people that even though we know they are toxic we go ahead and reach out for them. Loneliness can be a bad advisor and when we feel this way we should better go and search for the company of other people less harmful for our lives.

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