The key code to bending reality is feeling what arises. The subconscious needs to be cleared of its contractions in order to access the zero-point field, which gives rise to physical reality. This is normal and why most everyone you know lives in contraction. Even experts in self-development usually skip over this and focus only on making your mind stronger by managing its limiting beliefs. But this merely scratches the surface. To bend reality, you need to align your thoughts, feelings, and actions. You need your conscious and subconscious mind-body congruent. This is why you cannot rely on your mind alone. Any contraction in the physical body will subconsciously counteract your best intentions.
You’re not going to want to do it, but feeling your emotions will give you access to your supernatural abilities. I dare you to try it. Take a walk outside, find some privacy in your car, or sit in your office phone booth. The CEOs I work with say they feel clear, energized, and creative after they experience their feelings. Even releasing tears leads to bliss and new solutions. Until you’ve felt any places of contraction, it’s frozen in the body. Allow the contraction, find it in your body, and feel it fully. What you’re feeling is releasing. You don’t even need to know why you feel the way you do. Feeling the raw energy is sufficient. By doing so, you release the physical, mental and emotional patterns of contraction that influenced you. This frees up that contracted energy to be used for more useful activities than holding onto contractions.
BENEFITS TO FEELING
If you’re still feeling any resistance to this unlearning, know that this is one major reason you haven’t seen a bunch of people with supernatural abilities. This is a huge thing to rewire. Each time you feel what arises, the experience becomes less foreign. Like I’ve said, it is simple but not easy because it goes against everything we’ve learned. Your mind wants to control hurt and insecurity. However, you are absolutely capable of being with your hurt and insecurity. When you start feeling the discomfort, it’s common to feel scared as if it may be too much, or it may consume you. The more reps you give your nervous system of going there, the healthier you become, and the easier it gets. If you’ve experienced physical or emotional trauma, process with a trained professional.
When you repress your emotions, your body is impacted. If you do not feel and release your contractions, your health will suffer. We’re now understanding how physical and mental health correlate with anxiety, stress, contraction. For instance, when cortisol and insulin levels change, we crave fatty foods and are more likely to eat poorly. When contracted, we also sleep poorly. We understand the role of inflammation in heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and potentially all chronic diseases. Dr. Robert Lustig, a neuroendocrinologist, Professor of Pediatrics at the University of California, San Francisco says that prolonged stress leads to hyper physiological levels of cortisol, which impacts regulation of the inflammatory response. Inflammation becomes a response to stress. “Every chronic disease we know of is exacerbated by stress.”
Sheila Heen, one of the authors of Difficult Conversations, shares that the traditional Western view is that there is objective and emotional, rational and irrational. Neuroscience is learning that these things are intertwined. “How you feel changes how you think, and how you think changes how you feel Your intuition tells you information faster than your rational brain can figure out logically,” she says. Many of us do not value our feelings as cues and so we’re often left in the dark about what’s really going on.
Objective decision-making does not exist. To make any decision, you need to be in touch with your emotions. This was demonstrated by research on split-brain patients from a congenital defect or an accident. In these patients, the part of the brain that processes emotion is severed from the prefrontal cortex that governs executive function. Researchers thought split-brain patients would be perfect decision-makers, able to make objective decisions.
Sheila Heen shares, “What they found is that these people can’t make decisions. When asking them when they want to come into the lab, they have no idea. They can recite their schedule, but they have no instincts about it being a busy day or inconvenient, no preferences at all. What people care about, worry about, are on board with, their risk tolerance—are all related to emotions.” EQ trumps IQ in the long-term. This is why the leaders I work with choose to develop their emotional intelligence and their body intelligence. Feelings and sensations occur in the body. When clients begin this work, the most common response to “What are you feeling?” is “I think” or “I feel like that was the wrong call.” Feelings are not thoughts or opinions. I start by asking, “What is the emotion? What sensation do you notice? Feel that fully.”
Many of these leaders also want to improve their empathy; however, you can only experience emotional empathy to the degree that you can be with your own emotions. By experiencing your own emotions, you can tune into what others are feeling. Ninety-three percent of communication is nonverbal, your emotions are sending out signals all the time whether or not you are aware of it.
In my work, I notice how often clients struggle with having difficult conversations, giving and receiving feedback, and dealing with setbacks. All these skills require emotional intelligence.
If you want to master the art of contraction and expansion, you must first become skilled with your own emotions.
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHAT’S THERE?
When you find yourself replaying a scenario, catastrophizing, or obsessing about what you could’ve done differently, stop and feel. Feeling it unravels your nervous system into expansion, giving you access to new perspectives, information, and solutions.
First, relax your body. You can do this sitting or lying down. Take slow breaths in through your nose, letting your stomach rise with each breath in, and fall with each breath out. The key to a full breath is to exhale completely. Bring your awareness and deeper relaxation to your solar plexus, chest, back, shoulders, neck, jaw, and forehead. Getting your body into this state of deep relaxation is the foundation for accessing expansion.
Notice where you’re holding any tension, and see if you can breathe into those places. Do not interpret, judge, or even have an opinion about what you’re feeling. You do not need to understand it. Don’t try to rationalize, control, fix it, or figure it out. Just feel it. Your mind will want to label the experience; come back into your body. Go to where the discomfort is the worst, acknowledge it and turn it up to 100 percent. Allow it. Meet it with your body. Relax your body around the discomfort. Breathe into the center of it.
You know you’ve felt it fully when it shifts and becomes something else. The sensation may move to another part of the body. Accept and feel that fully. Continue feeling whatever arises until it dissipates. The key is to soften and relax into your emotions versus harden and overcome them. Allow, accept, and embrace them. Give them permission to be. Denying your emotions keeps them around and keeps you unconsciously avoiding people and circumstances that may remind you of your contractions. Your freedom from this silly dance comes from feeling all that arises. It’s important to get out of your head—out of the intellectual story for why you feel the way you do—and feel the raw energy in the body. Experience the sound, movement, and sensation so you can release it.
Excerpt from Bending Reality: How to Make the Impossible Probable by Victoria Song. The book is featured in the CEOWORLD magazine’s annual review of “Best Books to Read.”
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